In Love With An Idiot
by wikelia
Summary: Modern AU. "I'll take this." "Why?" "If you throw it on my head, it'll break." "Why would I hit you?" "Because I have some free advice for you." "What?" "Never marry that asshole." Or, in which Hiccup gives Astrid some free advice. Oneshot.


**This is the last one. Maybe. Hopefully. ARGH I KNOW I HAVE OTHER THINGS TO DO BUT BOLLYWOOD MOVIES EXIST AND THEY ARE INFLUENTIAL, OKAY?**

 **I'm just restraining myself from writing the entire plot of 3 Idiots HTTYD style. THIS MOVIE. I don't know if I can call it my absolute favorite, but gosh, this is such a good movie. If you're ever feeling stressed, specifically about studies, then watch this movie. It's hilarious and has a great morale and is just downright amazing.**

It wasn't his first time crashing a wedding, but that apparently "wasn't something to brag about." The idea was a bit stupid. What was a guy to brag about if not crashing weddings?

Next to him, Snotlout and Fishlegs were stuffing their faces with food. They were the reason he was here, one night without food wouldn't have bothered him too much, it was part of college life. But they had said they were starving, so they looked around, and sure enough, there was a wedding. There was always some wedding happening in Berk. All there was to do was wear some fancy clothes and pretend like you knew everyone.

Hiccup did need a break, though. College was stressful enough, but somehow, he had made his way onto the dean's hit list. Arvid Hofferson was a strict man, but the system that the school ran was wrong. It didn't increase anyone's knowledge, only the pressure in their head.

"What is this, Astrid?" he heard a voice say disgustedly, and he looked up to see a man holding the arm of a woman he couldn't see - her back was to him.

"An eighteenth century watch?" The man scowled as Hiccup leaned forward, interested. "Please, baby. That's embarrassing. You're going to be a doctor. You're going to be Eret Eretson's wife. We're not dirt poor. Please, take it off."

Hiccup gaped as he kept going on. What a fine specimen of moron. Who cared what kind of watch she was wearing? From what he could see of the girl, Astrid, her clothes were nice, and who was even going to notice her watch? The guy was obviously obsessed with prices.

Telling his friends that he would be back, Hiccup slipped out of his chair, took the flowers from the vase on their table, walked up to the woman, and tapped her shoulder.

She turned around. Oh. She was pretty. Really pretty, with supermodel blonde hair and crystal blue eyes. That made this a bit harder.

"Yes?" she asked with a smile.

Hiccup looked to the side. "Eret Eretson" wasn't anywhere near them and he was engaged in a conversation. "Uh, flowers," he offered, handing them to her. Her smile grew, although a curious look came over her.

"I'll take this." He took the glass she had been drinking from.

"Why?" Astrid made to protest.

"If you throw it on my head, it'l break," Hiccup explained, a goofy grin spreading across his face/

Astrid laughed, putting a hand to her mouth. "Why would I hit you?"

"Because I have some free advice for you."

"What?" She leaned in, because he had lowered his voice as though telling a secret.

Hiccup pointed to Eret. "Never marry that asshole."

Immediately, as he suspected, Astrid's face turned dark. "Excuse me?"

"He's not a human, he's a price tag. Trust me."

"Listen -"

"He'll turn your whole life into a mixture of brands and prices."

"Okay, you can't just -"

"He will ruin your life," Hiccup said seriously, "your future will be wasted."

Before Astrid could say anything, Hiccup went on. "You know what, I'll give you a demonstration." He pointed to Eret. "Should I find out the price of his shoes? I won't ask him," he hastened, so that she would catch on, "he'll tell me himself."

Astrid could have stopped him, but she didn't, and it might have been because she was curious. Because he couldn't imagine that a girl who was a medical student, was dumb enough to marry a guy like that.

Taking some sauce, he beckoned to a waiter to follow him and then proceeded to spill the sauce all over Eret's feet.

"MY THREE HUNDRED DOLLAR SHOES!"

While the man screamed at the poor waiter, Hiccup walked back up to Astrid, whose mouth was slightly open.

"Run," he said to her nonchalantly, shrugging, "free advice. Take it or leave it."

"ITALIAN LEATHER, I TELL YOU!"

* * *

Snotlout, Fishlegs, and Hiccup would never get enough of this wedding food. While taking more for themselves, Astrid came up to him, all of a sudden. "Hey!"  
"Hey!" Hiccup responded, grinning, surprised that she was talking to him.

"Thank you so much," she said, putting a hand on her chest, "you opened my eyes. I can't thank you enough."

"It was nothing." He saw Snotlout smiling proudly at him and his ego swelled more.

Astrid's face turned into a pout. "But see, the thing is, my dad won't let me break the engagement."

"Oh, how horrible," Fishlegs said sincerely.

"You give such good demos!" Astrid said excitedly. "Maybe you could give him one too? It would really help me out a lot!"

"Of course!"

"You're really sweet." She offered him a sugary smile that didn't quite suit her.

"It's no problem at all. Hey, Lout, pass me the sauce. Now, where is your dad?"

"Right behind you." She made a twirling motion with her hand, the sugary smile still on her face.

Like three idiots, the boys turned around to come face to face with the dean of their university.

Fishlegs whimpered as Arvid Hofferson, who already hated them, stared them down. "Run," Astrid whispered mockingly in his ear, "free advice. Take it or leave it."

* * *

Needless to say, all three of them got in trouble. After messing up the teacher's lounge by putting shaving cream everywhere, Hiccup was back on rack. It was only fair, he justified, it wasn't like they had known it was his other daughter's wedding.

But anyway. The past was in the past, and he was now at the mall with Tuffnut, another friend of his. All he was doing was walking out the door when a hand roughly grabbed his shoulder and yanked him back.

It was Astrid. "It was you who messed up the lounge, wasn't it? Don't lie," she said when he opened his mouth.

"Yeah, it was." Hiccup shrugged, bigger things on his mind.

"What problem do you have with Dad, huh?" she demanded, her face getting red.

Hiccup threw his hands up in the air, exasperated. "Because your daddy isn't running a school, he's running a factory." He made a whirring motion with his hand. "And every year, the factory produces assholes. Look, there's one." He pointed to where Eret was probably looking for Astrid, and he took her momentary distraction to escape, Tuffnut snickering. A great plan.

Not.

Again, he was roughly turned around, and Astrid snapped, "How dare you call him an asshole!"

"So what else should I call him?" Hiccup challenged, his own temper rising. "He's not even interested in you! You're the daughter of a dean, you're about to become a doctor, blah blah blah, You're rich. He's not really into you!"

This plainly struck a chord with her, because she pulled his collar down to her level and hissed, "Who the hell do you think you are!? What do you mean, Eret isn't interested in me?"

"I mean - oh," he said, interested, looking at her arm, "new watch he bought for you?" He tsk, and took the watch off her arm. "You always need a demo. Hey, Eret!"

The man walked up to them, and spoke directly to astrid. "Where have you been? I was looking for you!"

"She's worried, dude," Hiccup said, trying to stop himself from laughing, "she's been looking for her watch!"

"WHAT?" Eret bellowed, grabbing Astrid's wrist. For a second, she looked scared, and then continued to look up at him while he screamed and tugged her arm at the same time. "Astrid, that" - tug - "was an expensive" - tug - "watch you just lost! ARE YOU A CHILD?"

Hiccup saw the rage building in her eyes. He saw the hint of a tear, too, and but Eret either missed it or ignore it.

"What are you glaring at?" he shouted. "Stop glaring, and look for it!"

As he walked off, looking on the floor, Hiccup held the watch up sheepishly, shrugging. Astrid snatched it from him, walked up to Eret and turned him around like she had to him just a minute ago.

"Find another hand for this watch," she seethed to the surprised Eret, grinding the object into his hand. "...Asshole!"

Tuffnut whistled as she walked away, and not wanting to linger near the heartbroken price man, they followed her.

"Hey." Hiccup grinned as she strapped on a helmet outside, a sleek blue motorcycle waiting. "That was great. You called him that right to his face."

"Get lost," she muttered, not looking him in the eye.

"It's loud out here," Hiccup complained to Tuff, who winked, "she's thanking me and I hear 'get lost.'"

"I DID SAY GET LOST!"

"Okay. Yeesh." He had a call coming anyway.

But it wasn't good news. It was terrible news. Fishlegs' dad was in critical condition, and the ambulance wasn't coming.

A lightbulb clicked in his mind. Medical student.

"Hey, hey!" He went in front of the blue motorcycle, stopping her from leaving. "I need your help!"

Astrid shot him a disgusted look, but he put a hand on the handle and pleaded. "Please. It's an emergency. My friend's dad - he could die." When she still didn't budge, he raised his voice. "Come on! What's that oath you people take, the hypocrite oath? I need your help!"

And five minutes later, with Astrid's arms around his waist (the only reason she wasn't driving was because he knew the way), they were speeding towards Fishlegs' house.

She wasn't happy about it, though. "You crash my sister's wedding, you break off my engagement, my dad is taking pills because of you, and I'm here helping you? Unbelievable. This Hippocratic Oath," she muttered furiously, "it's done it for all doctors!"

* * *

At the hospital, Astrid came up to him while he was waiting, and told them that Mr. Ingerman would live. "It was a close call," she said, "if we hadn't used the motorcycle, we...might have lost him."

A crying Fishlegs was relieved that he could see his dad. Astrid's brows raised ever so slightly when Fishlegs nearly squeezed the life out of Hiccup first.

"Thank you," he mumbled, wiping his eyes.

Hiccup who had a few tears of his own, cocked his head. "Go. Go see him. And don't go in like that, okay? Wash your eyes, be happy. Okay?"

Fishlegs nodded, and hugged him one last time before leaving. Hiccup and Astrid started walking out, and Hiccup broke the silence.

"So, your motorcycle saved the day. It's nice," he complimented, "how much was it?"

"Spill some sauce on it," Astrid said with a small grin, "maybe I'll tell you."

Hiccup's grin matched hers. "Nice. Hey, happy Independence Day."

Astrid's brows furrowed. "But it's not Independence Day."

"For you it is." Hiccup smiled genuinely. "Now, you can wear your mother's watch whenever you want. You're free."

He started to walk back to the hospital, thinking the conversation was over, but Astrid called out, "Hey! How - how did you know it was mother's watch?"

Hiccup winked at her. "A girl is at her sister's wedding. She's dressed in fancy clothes from head to toe. Only her watch is old. What does that mean?"

A light blush spread over her cheeks, and she nodded, albeit a little sadly.

"You were...really missing your mom that day, weren't you?' Hiccup asked wistfully.

"Yeah," she said quietly, looking down.

He changed the subject subtly. "Your mom must have been really beautiful."

Astrid looked up, smiling. "Yeah. And how do you know?"

Hiccup made a face at her. "Have you ever seen your dad?" He rolled his eyes, and imitated him. "Life is a race. If you don't run fast, you'll be like a broken egg." He stuck out his teeth on purpose.

"Oh...you - you!" She made to run towards him, and they both laughed, as he finally walked back to the hospital.

Before he went in, Hiccup looked back. Astrid was still there, grinning at him.

* * *

They were fast friends, but that was all. Nothing more. And Hiccup couldn't say that didn't bother him, but he knew that dating the dean's daughter would lead to problems, especially since Arvid Hofferson hated him. So four long, painful years of "just friends" passed.

Then, one night, Fishlegs and Snotlout dared him to go to her house and confess. All three of them were drunk, Hiccup significantly less than the other two.

Climbing the windows to see through them was tedious, but her room wasn't too high. He could tell it was hers, there were awards and a soccer ball and a feminine figure in bed. Nervously, Hiccup crept near, shaking her awake.

"Huh? What?"

"Astrid," he whispered, "it's me, Hiccup. Don't scream."

"What -"

"Just give me a few minutes, and then I'll leave." He held her hand, letting his mouth talk without processing it. "I have this dream, Astrid."

From the window, a few guitar strings played, and Snotlout sang, "I believe I can flyyy…"

Ignoring him, Hiccup went on. "You come up to me in my dream, dressed like a bride…"

"Wow," came her soft voice, hushed in the night.

Hiccup grinned. So far, so good. "Instead of a veil, you take off your helmet...and come close to kiss me."

"I believe I can touch the skyyy…"

"But, that kiss doesn't happen," Hiccup mumbled, a bit sleepy.

"Why?"

"Because," he explained, not caring how stupid he sounded. It was okay to sound stupid with Astrid. "My nose comes in between, and then I wake up."

The light flickered on, and a black haired girl, who was not Astrid but her sister Heather, got up. "Noses don't come between kisses, stupid!"

Hiccup yelped and fell back, scrambling to get away from her. "I - I am so sorry, I thought you were Astrid."

"I wish i was," Heather said, her eyes full of amusement.

Astrid sat up next to her, hitting her arm. "Heath! Why did you interrupt him - it took him four years to admit it!"

"Astrid!" Heather squealed as Hiccup looked between them, opening and closing his mouth. "Oh my gosh, kiss him and show him that noses don't come in between. Come on, kiss him,you have my permission! He is so cute!"

Hiccup turned dark red, and looked to Snotlout for help, but he had already leapt off the windowsill. Some friend he was.

With a thud, Snotlout hit the floor, and suddenly the footsteps of the dean could be heard. He had woken up.

"GO!" Astrid urged, pushing him. Before he jumped out, she pecked his cheek, causing him to lose his balance and fall, very ungracefully.

Their escape was a success, but Hiccup's friends had to drag him back; Astrid's lips left a burn on his cheek and a churn in his stomach that all the wine in the world couldn't give him.

 **This is actually supposed to be longer, but I am hella tired. Go watch the movie if you wanna know what happens (I obviously had to change stuff for the story).**


End file.
